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英语笑话
  • Where is the father?父亲在哪儿?
    Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
    "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
    "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
    The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
    兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
    “看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”
    “是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
    哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗。”
  • 小心有狗!
    As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
    一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店,看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着,“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后,他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是,就是他”,店主回答。 听到这个回答, 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为,” 店主解释说,“在我帖告示之前, 大伙老被他绊倒。”
  • 轻率的插话
    The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. " Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"
    我所工作的精品家具商店是从20世纪二十年代以来就营业的。最近我接到一个妇女的电话。她想换一套餐具中的一些椅子。这套餐具她是在三十年代从我们这儿买的。我向她保证说我们可以帮她的忙,于是我向部门经理寻求帮助。“你永远也不会相信,”我对他说,“我刚接到一个顾客的电话,她在三十年代从我们这里买了一些椅子。” 我还没来得及说她的要求,经理就打断了我的话:“你别告诉我她到现在还没收到货!”
  • An American,a Japanese,a Chinese一个美国人,一个日本人,一个中国人
    An American, a Japanese, a Chinese expedition in the jungle. The results were captured by tribal cannibalism. Can be tribal chiefs, said: "I'm in a good mood today, do not eat you, but you have to pay one hundred board, but you can endure before the board to have a desire to achieve." Board is the first Americans to pay. He said: "before the board to pay, give me a seat bottom cushions." Pad stop, board-like falling rain; 合previous 70 boards, 70 boards were smashed after the cushion, and then is finished ... ...Antiaris , the United States left behind the old feeling. After seeing this, the Japanese asked the mattress 10. 1,2,3 ... 100 over, the Japanese rose,, all right; then the Zhang imitation of their capacity and ability to brag about a re-creation, and would like to sit while watching the show the Chinese people. Chinese people get on the ground slowly, carefree carefree said: "Come on, give me the Japanese mat."
    一个美国人、一个日本人、一个中国人在丛林探险。结果全被吃人部落抓去了。可部落酋长说:“我今天心情好,不吃你们,但你们都得挨一百板子,但在挨板子前你们可以有一个愿望实现。”先挨板子的是美国人。他说:“挨板子前,先给我屁股垫上1个坐垫。”垫罢,板子雨点般落下;先前70板还凑合,70板之后坐垫被打烂,然后就是板板见血……打完,美国老摸着屁股走了。日本人见状后,要求10个床垫。1、2、3…100打完,日本人起身,拍拍屁股,没事;然后张着臭嘴对自己的模仿能力和再创造能力吹嘘一番,并想坐一边看中国人的好戏。中国人慢慢趴下,悠哉悠哉地说:“来,把日本人给我垫上。”
  • 他正在拍照
    Two sisters were looking at a book of religious pictures and came across a painting of the Virgin and the baby Jesus.
    姐妹俩在看一本宗教画册时,刚好看到一幅圣母玛利亚和圣婴耶稣的图画。
    "See there," said the older sister, "that's Jesus, and that's his mother."
    姐姐说:“瞧,这是耶稣,这是他的妈妈。”
    "Where's his dad?" the younger girl wanted to know.
    “他的爸爸在哪里?”妹妹想知道。
    Her sister thought for a moment and explained, "Oh, he's taking the picture."
    姐姐想了一会儿,解释道:“噢,他正在拍照。”
  • 智力缺陷
    "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
    “医生,你能不能告诉我,”鲍勃问,“对于一个看上去很正常的人,你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了,”医生回答,“问他一个简单的问题,简单到所有人都知道答案,如果他回答得不干脆,那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢?”“嗯,你可以这样问,‘库克船长环球旅行了三次,但是在其中一次的途中他去世了,是哪一次呢?’”鲍勃想了一会儿,紧张的回答道,“你就不能问另外一个问题吗?坦率地说,我对历史了解的不是很多。”